The Theory of God-olution
by frostyfreezyfreeze54
Summary: The third episode of my TV show Thank You, Heavenly. Buster and RK disagree on what began civilization, while Wade tries to teach Sparky what rap is again so he can get a better review on HIS rap. And of course, another Homage To Classic TV. Guest stars are Chris Rock, Craig Bartlett, Terry Crews, and Ed Hochuli. I guarantee you will NOT be disappointed! R&R if you please.
1. The Theory of God-olution Script

_Thank You, Heavenly_

**NEW! **Theme Song: "Let It Roll" by Divide The Day

SEASON 1

EPISODE 3

Airdate: September 30, 2012

Title: The Theory of God-olution

Homage To Classic TV: _Hey Arnold! _(1996-2004)

Special Guests: Chris Rock as The Narrator, Craig Bartlett as Brainy, Terry Crews as Julius Rock, Ed Hochuli as Himself

Satire: Beginnings of civilization, rap music

SCENE 1

The MacDougal Household

Seattle, Washington

Interior Living Room

(Sparky is busy reading _Lord of the Flies _by William Golding. It's his ELA assignment. Wade comes in with a notebook.)

WADE: Are you ready?

(Sparky is still reading his book)

(imitating Triple H) WADE: No, Sparky MacDougal, I said, ARE…YOU….READY?

(Sparky imitates a crowd noise)

SPARKY: So, what'd you want to show me?

WADE: This rap.

SPARKY: You rap? I always thought you wanted to be a peacemaker or a scientist or a poet laureate when you grew up.

WADE: No, you ditz, rapping is just a hobby for me.

SPARKY: I'm a ditz?

WADE: Apparently. Now, read it.

(Sparky reads some of the rap)

SPARKY: It's good.

WADE: Sparky, I know you haven't read the whole thing, so keep going.

SPARKY: (bleep)

(Sparky finishes reading the rap)

SPARKY: Yeah, it's good.

WADE: Good? I attack Drake and Meek Mill relentlessly, and all that comes out your damn mouth is good?

SPARKY: Pretty much.

WADE: This is an outrage! I demand you read it again.

SPARKY: Look, Wade, I'd love to sit here and shut you down for the next 26 minutes, but I have to finish my required reading for the day. Trust me, I'm not happy about it. I don't even know what William Golding was thinking!

WADE: Damn. This is worse than Mitt Romney when he tries to tell the truth.

(There is a boardroom meeting between Romney and several of his supporters. One woman says that all of America believes Romney's a crook. Romney defuses that and says that "we're not going to steal the money of the taxpayers, we're going to take advantage of our natural gas, oil and coal by 2020, and we're going to turn this country into a juggernaut.")

SCENE 2

iCarly Elementary School

Seattle, Washington

Interior Social Studies Classroom

(about to doze off) BUSTER: Don't sleep….T.J. Holmes…BET….October 1.

(Buster falls asleep)

RK: My baby is so cute when he sleeps.

MS. JONES: Now, class, I have the first major assignment for the school year right here in my hands. This is an essay where you must state what you believe made man and state why the other side is wrong. Due one week from today.

(the whole class groans)

RK: Ah, just smack me with a dish towel, lady!

MS. JONES: Don't worry. It may be a little hard, but it's actually a joint essay. One person will work on one page, and the other will work on the second page. That way, you'll only have to worry about half the work.

(the class begins to murmur excitedly)

MS. JONES: Now, I'll choose a kid at random and they'll choose their partner. And I'll start with…..RK!

RK: I choose Buster!

(wakes up, then sings the You Gotta See Saturdays theme) BUSTER: S-A-T-U-R-D-A-Y night!

(the class bursts into laughter)

MS. JONES: Just in time from your nap, Mr. Newman. I gave RK here the first choice of partners and he's decided to pair up with you!

(imitating "Stone Cold" Steve Austin) BUSTER: What?!

(A clip is shown of the real "Stone Cold" saying "What?!")

BUSTER: Please, don't put me with him! I'll give you money!

RK: Wow, getting to work side by side with the hottest guy in school. I feel happier than Lindsay Lohan when she's off her meds.

(A cutaway is shown of Lohan driving in her car inebriated and uncontrollable. She even says that there's no better guitarist than Jimi Hendrix. Suddenly, a fat Italian man came in Lohan's way and was hit by the car. With no regard for the man's well-being, Lohan bolts out of the car, slowly steps back and runs for dear life.)

SCENE 3

The Saltalamacchia Household

Seattle, Washington

Interior Wade's Room

(Wade is all alone, listening to DJ Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince while drinking Double Dew, a Mountain Dew product with twice the sugar and caffeine of regular Mountain Dew. He decides to call Will.)

WADE: Hey, Gerald. Ready to go to Eugene's?

WILL: What the (bleep) are you talking about?

WADE: Sorry, I was thinking of something. Anyway, we need to talk about Sparky.

WILL: What about Sparky?

WADE: Well, I asked him to read my rap. He did, and he thought it was good.

WILL: So?

WADE: That's ALL he thought of it.

(Will then pauses, and Wade constantly keeps saying hello)

CHRIS ROCK: Will thought of doing this…..

(In this dream sequence, Will chokes Wade through the phone and constantly says "You son of a bitch!" while Wade keeps saying "Tragic! Tragic!" while he's gasping for air.)

WADE: Hello?

WILL: You're a fool, Wade.

WADE: How? All I did was ask Sparky to read my rap.

WILL: And all he said was it was "good." Dude, when a guy looks at a rap and only says that it's good, that proves he doesn't know anything about the subject. This is especially difficult for us African-Americans to deal with. You showing Sparky that rap was a bigger mistake than a Canadian teaching an American what hockey is.

(A Canadian man is telling an American man how hockey is played. The Canadian has a strong accent and says "eh" at the end of almost all of his sentences. When he is done, the American says, "Great. Just one question: What's hockey?" The Canadian stares at the camera in frustration.)

WADE: Well, what do I do? I have some very nice bars on this rap.

WILL: Well, let me hear it.

(about a minute later)

WILL: Whoa, my son got bars!

WADE: Is that a good rap or is that a good RAP?

WILL: Amazing. Blew me away. If you teach Sparks what rap is, he might like your rap even more.

WADE: Well, it's worth a shot.

SCENE 4

The Jennings Household

Seattle, Washington

Interior RK's Bedroom

(Buster and RK are working on their report. We still don't know whether they believe in evolution or creationism. RK doesn't care much about his assignment as he is goofing off and flirting with Buster.)

RK: The way you hold the pencil is sexy.

BUSTER: RK, please!

RK: Fine. There are other things I can do while you write. (puts on a green mask and cape) Stand back, there's a hurricane coming through!

(RK then sings The Hurricane's theme song)

BUSTER: RK, will you please shut the (bleep) up! If you're gonna do that, at least sing Jimmy Neutron.

RK: Crap, I hate that show. Oh, well.

(RK then sings the theme song to _The Adventures of_ _Jimmy Neutron: Boy Genius_)

BUSTER: Done.

RK: Well, what did you get?

BUSTER: Well, although I got a pizza stain on the paper, I don't think it's noticeable.

(The stain isn't on the words, but it's VERY noticeable)

RK: We take turns doing paragraphs?

BUSTER: Yeah, I do one paragraph on my report, and then you do one. We can keep a simple schedule. Once you're done, we combine the reports and prove to the class that evolution caused man.

RK: Wait, what? Evolution didn't cause man.

BUSTER: Then what did? (laughs with arms folded and a cocky smile) Creationism?

RK: Yes.

(imitating Daniel Bryan) BUSTER: YES! YES! YESSS!

(RK gives Buster a "What the hell?" look)

BUSTER: What, that's what I do. Anyway, believing in creationism is absurd.

RK: Why?

BUSTER: Because you expect a person to believe that billions of years ago, the universe exploded and all the planets came? And a man supposedly brought two people onto this Earth either through asexual reproduction or magic powers?

RK: You know, when you narrow it down like that, you make it sound crazy.

BUSTER: BECAUSE IT IS! There is no proof that a man is still alive today after billions of years, living in a nonexistent place like Heaven and looking down on everybody….

(imitating The Undertaker) RK: Shut up!

(Buster is shocked as hell)

RK: I may love you with a passion, but I won't just sit there and let you crap on the beliefs of millions of people. But if you want to do that, I'll do it also!

BUSTER: Try me.

RK: First of all, you actually believe that a fish came out of the water, had sex by itself, supposedly created another animal, and hundreds of years later, all these sexual relations between animals created humans?

BUSTER: Yeah, when you narrow it down like that.

RK: Buster, that's ridiculous. The fish obviously didn't come by itself because it adapted from something else. It had to be created from something. God created himself, and he created everything else. With evolution, all you're doing is creating an infinite cycle.

BUSTER: At least I don't think some bastard named Noah actually started an ark with two of every animal! Did he use magic powers to start that ark, too?

RK: You God-fearing cocksucker! I don't want to work with you anymore. I'm doing creationism, end of story.

BUSTER: Same here, you biased, bandwagon Christian! I'm doing evolution and my report will be much better than yours!

RK: (blows raspberry) You couldn't even convince an atheist to believe in evolution!

(Buster leaves and slams the door)

RK: I can't believe this is happening.

(audible from the living room) KG: Me either. The Orioles might win the AL East!

(shouting) RK: KG, the Orioles are taking full advantage of their talent now, what do you expect?

(long pause)

(audible from the living room) KG: I still can't believe it, though.

(RK sighs as the first half ends)

BOOMING VOICE: And now, it's time for another Homage To Classic TV!

(RK is sitting in a chair in a den, near a fireplace and wearing a sultan's robe, while drinking AriZona Lemon Iced Tea out of a teacup)

RK: Hello, Earth. Ever since probably 2010, TV has sucked hard. No, wait, possibly 2008. Even then, the days of witty, irreverent humor and educational values are gone from children's shows. While we can't bring back all of your favorite programs, we can homage them. Each week, we zero in on a show from the past and pay tribute to it. Here is one show that was as genius as the creator behind it. Although it ended prematurely and is still controversial to this day, it left behind a legacy that Testicular Sound Express admires. It even had a Veteran's Day episode once. Seriously, what children's show today has had or will ever have a Veteran's Day episode? Anyway, here's _Hey Arnold!_ (imitating Francesca Marie Smith) Move it, football head!

(shortened version of _Hey Arnold! _theme song and opening sequence plays)

"THE AWFUL DINNER"

Sparky as Arnold….Wade as Gerald…RK as Helga….Buster as Harold…KG as Arnold's Grandpa…Manny as Oskar…Craig Bartlett as Brainy

Since the characters of _Hey Arnold! _were predominantly voiced by children, the guys all tried their best to sound just like them at the height of the show's popularity. Bartlett even brought his old animation team to make it look like the real thing. This short film takes place in 1999, so Sparky will try and put on his best Spencer Klein impression.

(the kids at P.S. 118 are let out of school for the day)

(talking to Arnold) GERALD: So I kept squeezing it and squeezing it until it popped.

ARNOLD: And then what happened?

GERALD: The goo got all over the floor. Then my dad came in and I got in trouble. And that, my friend, was the story of my first pimple.

ARNOLD: That sounds very…..inspiring, Gerald.

GERALD: I'm heading to the arcade. You want to come?

ARNOLD: Nah, I gotta get home early. Grandpa lost a bet to Mr. Kokoschka so he has to take him to dinner. And he doesn't want to be alone.

GERALD: OK then. See ya, Arnold.

(Gerald runs away while Arnold bumps into Helga)

HELGA: Watch where you're going, football head!

ARNOLD: Look, Helga, I…

HELGA: Save it, geek bait. I have better things to do than stand here with you in my presence. I'm surprised a piece of crap like you was even born!

ARNOLD: Look, Helga, I was just going to apologize. And I think it's unfair that you treat me like a common criminal when I never did anything to you. Deep down inside, I bet you're a pretty nice girl. You just don't want to admit that to yourself yet.

HELGA: Arnold, listen, I…

ARNOLD: Helga, it's OK. You know where I stand. I have to get home.

(Arnold walks away while Helga takes out her heart-shaped locket)

HELGA: (sighs) Oh, Arnold. So moralistic. So many admirable principles. If only I had the guts to tell you my feelings of a tortured fourth-grade soul. If only I could reveal my passionate love for you and the fact that my gruff exterior is only a manifestation of the pain I feel inside. If only…

(Brainy is behind Helga and breathing heavily. Helga punches him between the eyes.)

Later at the restaurant…

OSKAR: So, Grandpa, tonight you have to order me EVERYTHING I want and more.

ARNOLD'S GRANDPA: Listen, you no-good, conniving chiseler, just because my penis was smaller than yours, doesn't mean I have to take any garbage from you. I pay for your half of the meal, and that's it, KOKOSCHKA!

ARNOLD: Grandpa, everybody's staring.

ARNOLD'S GRANDPA: I want them to stare, Shortman! I'm in the opposite of heaven right now!

OSKAR: Just hold up to your end of the bet and order me the good stuff.

ARNOLD'S GRANDPA: Oh, you're (bleep) dead, you cheating weasel!

(Arnold has to hold Grandpa Phil down)

Later on…

OSKAR: That was a great dinner. I'm so happy you had the generosity to order me that steak supreme.

ARNOLD'S GRANDPA: No problem, you lying lowlife.

ARNOLD: Grandpa…

WAITER: Your dinner bill, men.

ARNOLD'S GRANDPA: (takes out money) Stupid, chiseling punk. I have the bigger dick, no doubt about it.

(Arnold's grandpa realizes he's short $2.89, according to Julius Rock)

ARNOLD: Is there a problem, Grandpa?

ARNOLD'S GRANDPA: No way, Arnold. Everything is 100% perfect. (whispering) Oskar, lend me some money.

OSKAR: No way, this is my night. Remember that my testicles are way more impressive than yours.

(chokes Oskar) ARNOLD'S GRANDPA: You want to live to remember this night, I'd suggest you cough up some greenbacks.

ARNOLD: Grandpa, don't hurt Mr. Kokoschka!

ARNOLD'S GRANDPA: Don't worry, Shortman. This skunky lowlife knows his role.

OSKAR: Oh, no. It appears I'm out of money. (does trademark laugh)

ARNOLD'S GRANDPA: How are we supposed to pay this bill?

OSKAR: Dining and dashing. We pay some of the bill or none at all, and head for the hills as soon as possible.

ARNOLD: We can't do that! It's dishonest.

ARNOLD'S GRANDPA: Looks like we have no choice, Arnold.

ARNOLD: OK.

(the three get out of the restaurant as soon as possible)

HAROLD: Can I have a ride?

ARNOLD: For what, Harold?

HAROLD: Well, I just got back from the movies, and I hate the stupid bus.

ARNOLD'S GRANDPA: OK, but you better not be a con man like Oskar here.

OSKAR: When have I EVER been a con man?

(Arnold and his grandpa simply stare at Oskar)

(In the packard, Harold is annoying everybody within 10 minutes with a poor rendition of Run-DMC's "Walk This Way" featuring Aerosmith.)

(imitating Steven Tyler) HAROLD: Walk this way, talk this way….

THE OTHER THREE: SHUT UP, HAROLD!

HAROLD: But I sing when I'm hungry!

BOOMING VOICE: And that was our Homage To Classic TV. Tune in next week to see more of your childhood favorites bowed down to!

SCENE 5

iCarly Elementary School

Seattle, Washington

Exterior Picnic Table

(Sparky and Wade are eating their lunch outside. Buster and RK have no-showed. Wade looks at the cap of his Snapple for the real fact.)

WADE: Real Fact #2,632: Putting reckless students in a position of authority will make them model citizens. You were right, Mr. Moseby. You were right.

(Sparky is reading the latest issue of _The Seattle Times_)

SPARKY: It says here that Sandusky is scheduled for sentencing October 9. Well, that's what you get when you (bleep) kids.

(Buster comes and is blistering with fury)

BUSTER: That son of a bitch thinks he can do that to me. ME!

WADE: Hello to you too, Busts.

BUSTER: I'm in a bad mood, and RK is the reason for that!

SPARKY: Did he try and have sex with you again?

BUSTER: Nah, the charges were dropped that time so he didn't do it again. RK somehow believes that creationism is why we're here.

(long pause)

WADE: What's so wrong with that?

BUSTER: He only believes in that because he's Christian. Those assholes have faith in anything that puts God and Jesus Christ in a good word.

SPARKY: Buster, I'm so disappointed in you. It's one thing to believe in something the other doesn't, but bashing organized religion is disgusting.

(Buster begins to feel remorseful)

WADE: Buster, can I ask you a question?

BUSTER: Whatever.

WADE: Are you an atheist?

BUSTER: Yes. I don't believe in God one bit.

(Sparky and Wade are shocked to the core)

(Sparky slaps Buster in the face)

BUSTER: Outcheaa! What was that for?

SPARKY: For not believing in God. You're more stupid than the NFL replacement refs.

(standing in front of black screen) RK: Hello, I'm RK Jennings. We were going to show you a cutaway based off of what Sparky just said, but we thought that if we did, it'd just make us all sad. I mean, nothing is further from the truth when it comes to this. After that whole Green Bay/Seattle crap, I was planning to suggest they get tested for lack of competence, but Aaron Rodgers beat me to the punch. Hopefully, the union gets back to work and football becomes less disgusting.

BUSTER: How am I stupid? For not believing in something you can't touch, see, or measure?

WADE: No, for not believing in anything! Buster, how do you think civilization started without God?

BUSTER: Evolution.

SPARKY: I never understood that. With evolution, all you're doing is creating an infinite cycle. Besides, it makes no sense to believe in something that's not true, Buster. Look at _iCarly, ViCTORiOUS, _and _How To Rock_. Just because you believe Nickelodeon will un-cancel them, doesn't mean it'll happen. By 2013, they'll all be gone and we'll only have this generation to blame for that.

(Wade agrees)

BUSTER: I've been an atheist since I was two. My mom taught me a very important lesson: God is something that only religious people believe in, and it's impossible to believe in him and evolution at the same damn time.

(Sparky is confused)

WADE: Future.

(Sparky gets the reference now)

WADE: I'll shut you down twice, Buster. Sparky and I believe in God, and we never had a religion.

BUSTER: Well….

WADE: And it IS possible to believe in God and evolution at once.

BUSTER: How?

WADE: You'd think God is around, but evolution led to the beginning of civilization.

BUSTER: So what does God do then, huh?

(Sparky and Wade stare at each other unsurely)

WADE: No one really knows, Buster.

BUSTER: That's what I thought.

SPARKY: Buster, just bury the hatchet with RK. Your assignment is due in three days.

BUSTER: You're right, Sparko. And I'll do that by challenging RK to a fight which will determine what stance we'll take on for our report.

SPARKY: No, Buster, that's not what I meant…

BUSTER: Thanks buddy. I wonder why Wade doesn't come up with these brilliant plans.

(Wade rolls his eyes)

(Buster leaves and talks about what he'll need for the fight)

SPARKY: (groans) I should've went to community college.

SCENE 6

The MacDougal Household

Seattle, Washington

Interior Living Room

(Sparky is eating a sandwich, watching TV and singing "Pound The Alarm" by Nicki Minaj)

FEMALE VOICEOVER: Starburst, it's a juicy contradiction.

SPARKY: Oh, just roll up and die.

(Wade knocks on the door; his knock is distinctive because he knocks "Shave and a Haircut")

SPARKY: Come in, Wade.

(Wade has a chalkboard and a notebook)

SPARKY: What the hell is all this?

WADE: Me helping you, Sparky. I know you have a problem, and I'm here to see you through it.

SPARKY: Know I have a prob…..Who do you think you are, Dr. Shelby?

WADE: Hey, he is a miracle worker.

SPARKY: Oh yeah, that whole "I am the tag-team champions!" thing really brings people together.

(a cutaway is shown of Daniel Bryan and Kane screaming at each other at Night of Champions that they're the tag-team champions and the other isn't.)

SPARKY: And I don't have a problem.

WADE: Of course you do. I know that you stopped listening to rap a long time ago.

SPARKY: Fine, you got me. I thought your rap was phenomenal. But what's the point of getting excited? It only reminds me that there are more talented rappers under the age of 10 than there are over the age of 20.

WADE: Well, I'm going to get you interested in rap again. With a history lesson on what rap is.

(imitating Menudo) SPARKY: Damn.

Later on, Wade is almost done with his lesson, and Sparky is close to killing himself.

WADE: And then, when rap group Run-DMC crossed over with rock band Aerosmith to create the marvelous amalgamation known as "Walk This Way," it ushered in a renaissance of music for both stables and gave birth to the hybrid genre of…rap-rock.

SPARKY: God, my brain is fried. This must be what Republicans feel like when they think. Wade, is this all really necessary?

WADE: Of course it is. You need to understand rap.

SPARKY: Well, can I see your rap again?

(Wade gives Sparky his notebook)

About a minute later….

SPARKY: This is excellent. You really know how to get those bars.

WADE: Yes! This is awesome! I feel better than AJ when she gets to ride the electric chair.

(This is a cutaway where we see Daniel Bryan strap AJ to an electric chair. Around March, he wanted her to die. So the then-World Heavyweight Champion arranged for it to happen secretly. However, AJ didn't die. The effects of the electric chair combined with Bryan breaking up with her resulted in her becoming an absolutely unstable and psychotic person.)

SCENE 7

The Newman Condominium

Seattle, Washington

Interior Living Room

(Buster was able to get RK to accept his challenge. This will be a Street Fight, as evidenced by their change in clothing. The only way to win is by pinfall or submission. If Buster wins, the report will be done on evolution. If RK wins, the report will be done on creationism.)

RK: It didn't have to end this way.

BUSTER: Didn't it?

RK: I'm gonna make sure you regret ever insulting my religion.

BUSTER: And I'm gonna make sure you realize the truth.

("All Nightmare Long" by Metallica playing in the background)

At first, it wasn't much of a fight. RK dominated Buster with a Triple H-style moveset and was bloodying him with a steel chair. Buster rebounded and channeled his inner Jeff Hardy, with a TLC-style beatdown. At one point, Buster nailed a Swanton Bomb off a 20-foot ladder onto RK through a table. There was also a chair on RK's body, nearly bending Buster's spine in half. LPC came and was so scared by the carnage, he ran away in horror and headed to the cat bar, which he was going to anyway to meet his feline friends. RK nailed a wicked Rolling Thunder off the staircase and onto Buster. In the end, Buster went for a Twist of Fate and executed it with ease. Buster made the cover (out-of-work NFL referee Ed Hochuli was hired for the count by RK's urging) but RK kicked out. Buster went for the Swanton Bomb off the kitchen counter through another table, but RK put his knees up and Buster's spine popped. RK nailed the Pedigree through the table, which busted on impact and incapacitated both men. After a couple minutes, Hochuli counted to 10 and it was ruled a no-contest. Under the rules of the match, the two will write separate reports and combine them.

SCENE 8

iCarly Elementary School

Seattle, Washington

Interior Social Studies Classroom

Two average kids finish their creationism report. Buster and RK are next.

MANNY: I heard the REAL NFL referees are back.

WILL: That's yesterday's news, Manny. (puts on a pair of shades) Yesterday's news.

MANNY: Are you trying to (bleep) say something?

MS. JONES: Next up is Buster Newman and Ryan Kennedy Jennings.

(whispers to Buster and RK as kids clap)

MS. JONES: What are you guys doing your report on?

RK: You'll see.

BUSTER: Our report is on The Theory of Evolution…

RK: And creationism.

(kids murmur as Ms. Jones is confused)

BUSTER: At first, we argued over what started civilization and insulted each other's beliefs. But then we realized it's meaningless.

RK: No one knows for sure what began life. But that's the fun of it. Knowing that your belief might not be fiction after all.

A FEW MINUTES LATER…

BUSTER: And that's why there are only two ways man could have started: Evolution and creationism.

RK: Thank you.

(kids clap)

MS. JONES: I guess this is my fault. I should've asked about your topic before you started. But it was an amazing report. Because you didn't answer the question though, all I can give you is a B-minus.

(Buster and RK are actually excited)

BUSTER: A B-minus isn't that bad. Better than my usual grades.

RK: TWICE as better than MY usual grades. Want to go to Wendy's after school with Sparky and Wade?

BUSTER: You had me at "want to."

RK: So, I must be growing on you, huh, Newman?

BUSTER: Not a chance….Jennings.

(The two sit down together)

SCENE 9

The MacDougal Household

Seattle, Washington

Interior Kitchen

BITCH CLOCK: Sparky, feed me something, you (bleep) mother (bleep) er!

SPARKY: (groans) Do you want the lug nuts?

BITCH CLOCK: YES! And it better be the refined formula! And go to the DVR and put on _Tickety Toc_. I want to jack off to Tallulah's sweet ass.

SPARKY: (mumbling to himself) I should've gotten a (bleep) Rolex for my birthday if I really wanted to tell time.

(Wade bursts in through the back door)

SPARKY: Hey, Wade.

WADE: Sparky, I got a breakthrough.

SPARKY: What?

WADE: I want YOU to be my height man. We should be partners if we're gonna make it big in the business.

SPARKY: Sure. (pouring lug nuts in bowl) Ask me again in 8-9 years.

WADE: I didn't ask any….OK. You want to read my latest rap?

SPARKY: Sure! (takes notebook and starts reading) The Money-Stealing Bunny?

WADE: Yeah. It's about a bunny that takes people's money.

(Sparky becomes disillusioned with the rap)

SPARKY: Stick with what you know, Wade. Stick with what you freakin' know.

(Sparky takes the lug nuts and leaves Wade all alone)

(imitating Ron Simmons) WADE: Damn!

("Walk This Way" by Run-DMC featuring Aerosmith playing in the end credits)

©2012 ANDERSON PRODUCTIONS

IN MEMORIAM OF NEIL ARMSTRONG

1930-2012

FRIEND, HERO, AMERICAN ICON


	2. The Theory of God-olution Sign Off

Well, that's it for this Sunday. As you can tell, I'm a serious _Hey Arnold! _fan. I just hope one day Nickelodeon gets off their damn soapbox, calls Craig Bartlett and ends the show the right way with _The Jungle Movie_. And I'm sure every fan of the show out there can agree with that statement. A couple notes:

-The main plot of the episode was based off what's been going on in my 9th grade Global History class. Tomorrow, the final draft on our beginnings of civilization essay is due. Typed as an e-mail attachment, of course. We must state our position on whether we believe in evolution or creationism. I myself am a creationist. I'd love to know your position as well.

-The subplot was based off something that happened with me and my friend Halley. I showed her the exact same rap Wade showed Sparky, and just like Sparks, Hale said it was good and nothing more. I'm assuming Halley doesn't listen to much rap. Good thing she's charming. ;)

-The rap Wade showed Sparky is called "War On Rap," which I created myself. If you'd like to know the lyrics, PM me and I'll tell you. And if you're really curious, I'll throw in the lyrics to "The Money-Stealing Bunny" as well!

-Sparky was reading _Lord of the Flies_ by William Golding, which is the book we're currently reading in ELA. Sparky's feelings towards it parallel mine.

-As you could clearly see, "The Theory of God-olution" was dedicated to former astronaut and American icon Neil Armstrong, who died on August 25th at 82 years old in Cincinnati, Ohio from blocked coronary arteries. Armstrong made history by becoming the first man to ever set foot on the Moon in July 1969.

-Based on their attitudes, Sparky and Wade clearly vote Democrat and are Obama supporters. Buster and RK's political alignment will be explored later in my special Election Day episode entitled "Forward or Keeping America America?" on November 6.

Well, that wraps it up. You know the drill: Leave a review, or if you have a special remark (usually complaint) PM me. No need to air your frustrations on a public forum. In next week's episode, Sparky begins to annoy Testicular Sound Express and KG over his Columbus Day preparations again. The boys decide it's time to tell Sparko the truth about his favorite explorer, but will this keep Sparky from being able to celebrate anything anymore? Yes, we're doing a Columbus Day episode. Don't see that on TV anymore, do you? Be there or be square on October 7. Or round. _Arthur _reference. I guarantee you will NOT be disappointed!


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